​When I was young, I remember waiting in line at the grocery store behind a mother and her young child – probably between 3-5. The kid, bored from a long trip through Kroger, found a glimmer of hope in his day when he saw the brightly colored candied section at the checkout aisle. The aisle, as they tend to be, was filled with Snickers, Sour Patch Kids, gum, Skittles, and any other mainstream candy you could have imagined.

“Mommy, can I have some candy?” the child asked politely as his tiny hand grabbed for some Peanut Butter cups.

“Not today, honey” the mom responded without even thinking.

And then it began.

The child, sensing his mother’s distraction and lack of conviction to her “no” began to escalate.

“PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!” he said.

“I said not today,” she said.

“BUT I WANT CANDY!!!” he said.

The mom then glanced around the store, feeling the impending doom of a full meltdown, and changed her tune.

“Okay honey. Since you were good in the store.”
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This scene is something we’ve all either been a part of – whether as the parent, the kid, or a bystander thinking about we’re happy we don’t have kids or how much better we would handle the situation if we did have kids ( was the latter before I had kids myself and gained a massive amount of empathy for parents put in that situation). 

When I work with a dog, the change in the dog is almost immediate. It's part technique and strategy. But more importantly, I present myself in a way that allows nervous, anxious dogs to immediately feel comfortable and safe. 

When making changes in your dog, you have to start with yourself. I'm not just talking the behavior changes at home, I'm talking having the ability to shift your state and to create confidence. 

This isn't just experience. Being a stable leader, in and of itself, is a skill you need to learn. You might be reading dog training books, when you really need to be reading Tony Robbins books. 

Get more details about what you're missing here in the video:

In my other job as a life coach, the most common advice in the entire field, to the point where it’s basically a cliché, is to set clear goals. This advice manifests itself in a thousand different ways in the coaching world, but still people, even myself, have a hard time of taking it really seriously to the point where we make our goals clear.
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But if you don’t set a goal and plan for it, then you’re really setting yourself up for a much higher potential of failure than would be the case if you had a clearly defined vision for what your success looks like. In other words, have a plan and a goal, or you’re going to be following someone else’s plan – your spouse’s, your parents’, your boss’s, and, yes, even your dog’s!

I remember back before I knew what I was doing with dogs, I was out walking my dog through my busy neighborhood - I’m being generous by saying “walking,” because it was mostly being pulled, getting frustrated and getting blown off by my dog.

Towards the end of the walk, I was doing so terribly that someone took a minute out of their meal and stepped out of a restaurant just to heckle me. I remember very clearly a man opening the door across the street and yelling:
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“It’s called dog training. You need it.”
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A long time ago I realized I wasn’t very handy – you know with tools and fixing things. Most of my life I have internalized this belief about myself to the point where I was almost paralyzed when some time of minor problem popped up in my house.

A few months ago my wife pointed out that I have been able to teach myself practically anything with a dogged stubbornness and determination so it didn’t make much sense that I would run into something I’m not naturally inclined to do well and just throw up my hands and say “that’s not for me.”

While I’m used to being right basically all the time, I was wrong this time and she was right (I’m sure she will be happy to have that in writing).
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Since that conversation I haven’t gotten worlds better at fixing things, but I’ve changed my mindset. I’ve taken responsibility. That little change has changed everything.
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When I was young, I had a boss at work who was helping mentor me to the next level of my career. I was working at a big company with tons of employees and he gave me some life-changing advice – make sure you say hi to everyone when you walk into the room, ask how their day is going, smile at people – the basics of being a good human.

It’s easy when your life is fast-paced and hectic to forget those little drops of positivity that you can give the people and dogs in your life throughout the day.
My boss was more strategic than just being a nice guy, though. He knew that because I was in a leadership position, I needed to build a bank of good will for when I needed to have the more difficult conversations. The way he explained it was that every “hello” or “how are you doing?” was a teensy-tiny deposit in the good will bank and you needed plenty of good will in the account when you go to make a withdrawal.
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Well as dog owners, you too are in a position of leadership and it’s nice for you to know this rule as well. The same rule applies to your dog.
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If you personally are feeling stuck in a rut, or you’re not happy with your life, the best thing I can tell you is that if you change your habits, you will change your life. That simple advice has always worked wonders for me.

Habits are tricky things because good ones are hard to form and bad habits seem to form almost effortlessly. The good news is, once new good habits are formed, they’re hard to break and your life will be changed forever. Just remember, when you started brushing your teeth as a kid you probably hated it and resisted it every step of the way. Today as an adult, hopefully, brushing your teeth is just something you do without thinking about it – with no resistance. I can say with certainty that you are much healthier and better off for conquering your original apprehension.

When it comes to being a good pack leader for your dogs and your family, the same rules apply: If you change your habits with your dog, you will change your dog’s life.
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Here are a few simple habits you can add to your life to make your dog’s life exponentially better:
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In the world of dog training, “leadership” is a complicated word. To most people, the word “leadership” conjures up images of alpha dogs and the military men who shout commands at them on the training field.

That is one type of leadership – unfortunately it’s not one that every person can authentically pull off. Some people have a softer touch than these obvious “alphas,” but can still lead dogs with expert precision.
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When I am dealing with softer human personalities, I ask one simple question to help them understand leadership with their dog: Who is adjusting to whom?

One of the most underrated tools in self-improvement or dog improvement is that of visualization.

My first exposure to visualization came when I was a young man playing basketball and my father was my coach at the time. He must have read some article about visualization saying how great athletes were using visualization techniques to improve, because I clearly remember him telling me that if I couldn’t get to a basketball hoop, I should practice shooting free-throws in my head. That I should imagine setting myself at the free throw line, taking a couple of practice dribbles while looking at the hoop, and then going through the motion of what a perfect free throw looked like in my head.

Being a typical pre-teen, I blew him off and told him he sounded like a crazy person.

As with much of my dad’s advice that I thought was stupid at the time, I have to tell him now as an adult that he was right about a lot more than I gave him credit for.
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Part of what makes an excellent pack leader or dog trainer is the ability to stay on an even keel. That skill comes from a combination of a lot of experience and practice, but also the ability to effectively visualize what success looks like.

Growing up as a wrestler and participating in sports in general, I could always get a sense for who the coaches didn’t really believe in as athletes. It wasn’t a lack of attention to these kids that gave it away. It wasn’t even a lack of friendliness or positive attention. They were always good guys and always treated us well.

Surprisingly, you could tell the coach’s favorite by who they rode the most in practice. Who they singled out for extra sprints, or extra rounds. A coach’s favorite was the one who had to run until he puked while the other kids stood around the side of the room glad they weren’t called out.

You could really tell a coach cared when an athlete had a poor performance and the coach was genuinely disappointed. There was no “good try” or “A for effort!” Just genuine disappointment.

I see this every day in the real world, too. If you’re someone who works and cares about your professional growth, you’re lucky if you have a boss, mentor, or superior who pulls you into his office and takes the time to tell you everything you’re doing wrong and how you can get better so you can contribute more and hopefully move successfully to the next phase of your life.

On the flip side, you probably feel a little empty if you have a boss who is either just annoying or worse – they don’t really say much about what you do - good or bad - and you just feel like you could disappear and no one would notice your work is not being done.
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When I look at a lot of clients and their dogs, I think about this crushing weight of low expectations.
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